Skip to main content

Raising Boys

I absolutely love having two boys.  There is an energy and excitement that definitely keeps me young.  When meeting other parents with all boys there is always an unacknowledged kinship and assumption that we deal with the same rowdiness, crudeness and overall chaos that is a house of young boys. 

For six years now I have always said I am so thankful to have all boys rather than girls.  There is this assumption that boys are so much easier than girls.  That as a father girls are so much scarier.  That things like braiding hair, princesses and unicorns, teenage love, menstrual cycles, and protecting sexual innocence are so much harder for a father to navigate as a parent of a female.  But what if this assumption that boys are easier, that they are less work, that boys are not as high maintenance to parent as girls is partly responsible for toxic masculinity and so many of our societal problems that can be traced back to the patriarchy?

I think about raising men all the time.  Not only as I strive to be the best father I can to Nathan and Andrew, but also in my role as a teacher.  I see at work everyday the toxicity of how so many teenage boys interact with themselves and others.  I strive to set a good example of how a man should not just treat others, but how a man should think about others. 

The January/February cover story of the Atlantic focused on just this topic, titled "The Miseducation of the American Boy" by Peggy Orenstein.  Orenstein breaks down how there is an overwhelming culture of toxic masculinity that embraces and promotes a vision of what it means to be a man as one focused on sexual conquests and devoid of any acknowledgement of deeper emotion or connection.  The article's description of young men's behavior is right in line with what I see daily as a high school teacher and is everything I fear in raising two boys. 

Orenstein, doesn't have many answers on how to promote healthy relationships among males, nor is that the purpose of the article.  I can't help hoping that being open about how to think about and treat women, discussing both my feelings and their feelings openly, authentically and regularly along with having regular discussions about toxic masculinity, personal choices and making intentional choices to be men of integrity and love, will be enough to combat a culture that overwhelms so many young men that want to fight and do the right thing, but instead feel over-matched and helpless.  I can certainly relate to the young man in the article and the feeling that the task is daunting and solutions are few.

Young men are just as hard to raise as young women.  "Bro" culture, homophobia, ignoring feelings and the inability to connect relationally with others are deep rooted in our culture and not easily changed.  It's a fight worth fighting both as I raise Nathan and Andrew and in my classroom and school while I teach. 

As I sort through how to fundamentally change the nature of masculinity in this country I am open to any suggestions for resources in this grand endeavor.  This is certainly a topic I will be revisiting here, hopefully at some point with a few more answers.   


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Happy New Year!

The year 2012 has arrived! I can hardly believe that I can now say my son was born "last year"! Tomorrow will mark seven months since Nathan's arrival. At the start of each month I've tried to take pictures of Nathan in our brown leather chair. I've used the series to capture his growth. Thus far I am not too crazy about the quality of these photos. In my opinion, the photos I took today are better. Nathan is sitting up pretty well now which is a great improvement over the previously propped up pictures from months before.  We used the natural light to show off his beautiful blue eyes. You might notice that he spit up on himself as we got started. But he smiled and played with his toes and the even licked the chair as I took a few photos. My sister, Ellen, gave me a book for Christmas titled, Mamarazzi . While I haven't read but a few pages, I look forward to picking up tips to great picture taking.

Parenting Cliches

As a fairly new parent you often look for bits of wisdom from those with more experience.  Most of the time these fall into pretty standard parenting cliches.  "They grow up so fast," "Blink and you'll miss it,"  "Just wait till he's older," "Your life will never be the same." One I often hear is some derivative of, "Every stage is precious, just enjoy the now." Or something to the fact that every stage of a child's development brings some sort of new equally wonderful parenting experience. And while I appreciate the advice and the sentiment, count me a skeptic.  I just can't imagine how any stage could be better than the current stage that Nathan is in.  So yes this is just a blog involving my bragging about how great Nathan is.  He may really be the cutest kid alive.  (If you don't want to take my word for it, just ask his Auntie Jenny) Nathan is 20 months old, he is walking just fine, but just learning to run....

Nathan, 18 months

Can you believe it? Can you believe that Little Man Nate is already 18 months? Nathan's Famous Hot Dog on Halloween. At 18 months, Nathan is 33.25 inches tall and nearly 29 pounds, but mostly, he is on the go. Nathan is curious about the world around him, spending lots of time opening doors or drawers, saying "uh-oh" when he finds something new. I know for certain I will have to buy a new set of measuring cups when we move again, as Nathan has adopted some into his toy collection, while others are just plain MIA. He loves pushing his cars, trucks and lawn mower around the house. He is quickly learning to match shapes with puzzles and point to his nose, ears and belly. He uses sign language to say "please" and "more" as well as ask for "help". We have just started practicing the sign for "thank you" and he seems to be grasping that one. Nathan will put his cup in the refrigerator or sink when he is "all done", and u...