I absolutely love having two boys. There is an energy and excitement that definitely keeps me young. When meeting other parents with all boys there is always an unacknowledged kinship and assumption that we deal with the same rowdiness, crudeness and overall chaos that is a house of young boys.
For six years now I have always said I am so thankful to have all boys rather than girls. There is this assumption that boys are so much easier than girls. That as a father girls are so much scarier. That things like braiding hair, princesses and unicorns, teenage love, menstrual cycles, and protecting sexual innocence are so much harder for a father to navigate as a parent of a female. But what if this assumption that boys are easier, that they are less work, that boys are not as high maintenance to parent as girls is partly responsible for toxic masculinity and so many of our societal problems that can be traced back to the patriarchy?
I think about raising men all the time. Not only as I strive to be the best father I can to Nathan and Andrew, but also in my role as a teacher. I see at work everyday the toxicity of how so many teenage boys interact with themselves and others. I strive to set a good example of how a man should not just treat others, but how a man should think about others.
The January/February cover story of the Atlantic focused on just this topic, titled "The Miseducation of the American Boy" by Peggy Orenstein. Orenstein breaks down how there is an overwhelming culture of toxic masculinity that embraces and promotes a vision of what it means to be a man as one focused on sexual conquests and devoid of any acknowledgement of deeper emotion or connection. The article's description of young men's behavior is right in line with what I see daily as a high school teacher and is everything I fear in raising two boys.
Orenstein, doesn't have many answers on how to promote healthy relationships among males, nor is that the purpose of the article. I can't help hoping that being open about how to think about and treat women, discussing both my feelings and their feelings openly, authentically and regularly along with having regular discussions about toxic masculinity, personal choices and making intentional choices to be men of integrity and love, will be enough to combat a culture that overwhelms so many young men that want to fight and do the right thing, but instead feel over-matched and helpless. I can certainly relate to the young man in the article and the feeling that the task is daunting and solutions are few.
Young men are just as hard to raise as young women. "Bro" culture, homophobia, ignoring feelings and the inability to connect relationally with others are deep rooted in our culture and not easily changed. It's a fight worth fighting both as I raise Nathan and Andrew and in my classroom and school while I teach.
As I sort through how to fundamentally change the nature of masculinity in this country I am open to any suggestions for resources in this grand endeavor. This is certainly a topic I will be revisiting here, hopefully at some point with a few more answers.
For six years now I have always said I am so thankful to have all boys rather than girls. There is this assumption that boys are so much easier than girls. That as a father girls are so much scarier. That things like braiding hair, princesses and unicorns, teenage love, menstrual cycles, and protecting sexual innocence are so much harder for a father to navigate as a parent of a female. But what if this assumption that boys are easier, that they are less work, that boys are not as high maintenance to parent as girls is partly responsible for toxic masculinity and so many of our societal problems that can be traced back to the patriarchy?
I think about raising men all the time. Not only as I strive to be the best father I can to Nathan and Andrew, but also in my role as a teacher. I see at work everyday the toxicity of how so many teenage boys interact with themselves and others. I strive to set a good example of how a man should not just treat others, but how a man should think about others.
The January/February cover story of the Atlantic focused on just this topic, titled "The Miseducation of the American Boy" by Peggy Orenstein. Orenstein breaks down how there is an overwhelming culture of toxic masculinity that embraces and promotes a vision of what it means to be a man as one focused on sexual conquests and devoid of any acknowledgement of deeper emotion or connection. The article's description of young men's behavior is right in line with what I see daily as a high school teacher and is everything I fear in raising two boys.
Orenstein, doesn't have many answers on how to promote healthy relationships among males, nor is that the purpose of the article. I can't help hoping that being open about how to think about and treat women, discussing both my feelings and their feelings openly, authentically and regularly along with having regular discussions about toxic masculinity, personal choices and making intentional choices to be men of integrity and love, will be enough to combat a culture that overwhelms so many young men that want to fight and do the right thing, but instead feel over-matched and helpless. I can certainly relate to the young man in the article and the feeling that the task is daunting and solutions are few.
Young men are just as hard to raise as young women. "Bro" culture, homophobia, ignoring feelings and the inability to connect relationally with others are deep rooted in our culture and not easily changed. It's a fight worth fighting both as I raise Nathan and Andrew and in my classroom and school while I teach.
As I sort through how to fundamentally change the nature of masculinity in this country I am open to any suggestions for resources in this grand endeavor. This is certainly a topic I will be revisiting here, hopefully at some point with a few more answers.
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