Today is fathers day, and while I certainly am no authority on the subject a quick reflection on my first two weeks of fatherhood seemed appropriate.
Anticipation
Nine months may seem like a long time to prepare for fatherhood, yet it is amazing how quickly that time flies by. When Erin initially told me she was pregnant, I didn't want to believe it. I thought no way, that was too quick I am not quite ready for this. Erin quickly reassured me that we would not have a baby for a while and that we had plenty of time to prepare. The problem was, I wanted to raise the perfect kid, (who doesn't) yet I am anything but perfect. I have way too many bad habits that I did not want to pass on to my future child. Bad eating habits, too much TV watching, not enough exercise, improving my spiritual life, my lifestyle needed some serious work. So of course I went on living my life exactly the same way.
So for nine months I was in close to denial. I did do the things that most people do to prepare, I painted the nursery, went to child care/birthing classes, and made too many trips to Babies 'R' Us looking at products with wonder, amusement and fright. But, it was still very difficult to grasp the idea of fatherhood. It was still very abstract.
Labor
Like most men, and future fathers, I was excited for fatherhood, but terrified of the birthing process. Ten weeks of birthing/ childcare classes didn't help. Seven weeks of discussing how messy, painful, and terrible the birth process was made me want to just skip the whole thing. Of course when the actual day arrived, I was far from prepared. (please read Erin's earlier post for an exhaustive account of the events)
It was a Thursday, and I was at school, I had taught one class and was on my free period when Erin called. My initial reaction was that I could just finish out the school day. After all we had learned in our class that most labors, especially first time mothers average 12-18 hours. I only needed four to get through my classes. No problem, and I would skip the sitting around and being bored for 4 hours. As it turns out wives really appreciate their husbands being there and supporting them for the entire process, and not just the crowning moment when the baby is presented to the new parents. So I wrote a quick sub plan, wrapped things up, made a stop by the house for essentials, and made it to the hospital with enough time to wait all afternoon and evening for the real action to start.
Even during this waiting period, I was in denial. Erin was just chillin' on the hospital bed, I went and got dinner, the NBA Finals came on, everything seemed easy and more or less normal. After all, we had already spent a week in the hospital and this didn't seem too different. Then the doctor broke Erin's water and all hell broke loose. Now Erin was in extreme pain, the Heat were making a run, and I was starting to think this whole day would not be any fun at all. Things went on like this for a couple hours, I was looking at the clock, as the hours were ticking by, and wondering how in the world I would be able to stay alert all night to help Erin get through this ordeal.
Then finally, things stalled and some issues forced us to have a c-section. I was instantly relieved. Despite the fact that I had spent most of the nine months leading up to this day saying how we wanted to avoid a c-section at all costs, I was ecstatic. I now knew that in about a half hour or so I would have a new son! No more waiting, or seeing Erin in pain, and I wouldn't have to try to avoid the crowning moment when our son came out.
The Birth
The fifteen minutes between when Erin was rolled to the operating room and when the doctor came and got me to come in was probably the longest of my life. I called my father-in-law, texted my sister, (tried to make a bet on when the baby would come, she didn't bite.) and just waited to meet my son. Finally, I was let into the room and in about 5 minutes out came our new son. While waiting to meet him, I was tempted to see what was going on behind the curtain, but Erin insisted that I not look. Once he was out, I didn't think about what they were doing to Erin anymore. My initial reaction to our son of course was ewwwww, clean that guy off, but as soon as he started looking like an actual human I began to catch an affinity for him. Immediately upon my walking over to the table to meet him he attempted to shoot me with fresh stream of pee. That's when I knew he was mine.
As Erin was sewed up, Nathan and I just hung out right next to her. He hid his eyes from the bright operating room lights most of the time, and I got a little worried when one eye did not open for about 15 minutes. Turns out he was fine. Mom was fine, and dad was just beginning to get over his denial.
Being a Father
In the two weeks since Nathan was born, I have had some time to think, and contemplate those lifestyle changes talked about earlier, and plenty of time to procrastinate their implementation. Like many fathers, I find denial only slowly disappearing. While I love Nathan, feeling that father son bond has been a slow process. While mothers have that instant bond with their children due to them growing in the womb, followed by the intimacy of breast feeding, fathers are left to create that bond on their own. Trying to bond with a newborn can be a trying experience filled with little reciprocation. Dirty diapers, cleaning spit-up and attempting to sooth a baby who really just needs something to eat, is a new type of love. But love it is.
Fatherhood is and will be a wonderful adventure. And all those lifestyle changes that I thought so difficult are slowly happening without any thought. Whether it be picking out a slightly healthier cereal, (I guess I can't eat Fruity Pebbles forever) or trying to eat dinner at the table rather than in front of the TV, I am slowly making those changes. Of course I still like to spend money on frivolous electronic gadgets, but I am making progress. I am bound and determined to set a good example for Nathan. However, when I examine my life and ponder what type of example I will be to my son I mostly realize that these so called lifestyle changes are really very minor details.
A very short while ago, my Father spoke at the memorial service to my Grandfather about some very important lessons that he hoped had been passed down to me and I also hope to pass down to Nathan. His key points were to love God, love your wife and family, and to work hard and serve others. Nothing else really matters. This is what my grandfather stood for, this is what I see in my dad and I hope and pray that one day my son will see these qualities in me. My father likes to tell me that life is all about relationships, and he really is right.
While I stare down the challenge of fatherhood I also know that I am not in this alone, that we have plenty of friends and family who will love and support us and Nathan as he grows up to be a man of God. Somehow fatherhood may have snuck up on me over the past ten months, but thankfully I do not need all the answers immediately, nor do I need to figure all this out on my own. I have several great examples to pull from as I become the best father possible. Each and everyday I feel closer to Nathan, I love him just a little bit more, and I look forward to the future. (a full nights sleep, potty training and a game of catch are just a few of my daydreams) Happy Fathers Day.
Anticipation
So for nine months I was in close to denial. I did do the things that most people do to prepare, I painted the nursery, went to child care/birthing classes, and made too many trips to Babies 'R' Us looking at products with wonder, amusement and fright. But, it was still very difficult to grasp the idea of fatherhood. It was still very abstract.
Labor
Like most men, and future fathers, I was excited for fatherhood, but terrified of the birthing process. Ten weeks of birthing/ childcare classes didn't help. Seven weeks of discussing how messy, painful, and terrible the birth process was made me want to just skip the whole thing. Of course when the actual day arrived, I was far from prepared. (please read Erin's earlier post for an exhaustive account of the events)
It was a Thursday, and I was at school, I had taught one class and was on my free period when Erin called. My initial reaction was that I could just finish out the school day. After all we had learned in our class that most labors, especially first time mothers average 12-18 hours. I only needed four to get through my classes. No problem, and I would skip the sitting around and being bored for 4 hours. As it turns out wives really appreciate their husbands being there and supporting them for the entire process, and not just the crowning moment when the baby is presented to the new parents. So I wrote a quick sub plan, wrapped things up, made a stop by the house for essentials, and made it to the hospital with enough time to wait all afternoon and evening for the real action to start.
Even during this waiting period, I was in denial. Erin was just chillin' on the hospital bed, I went and got dinner, the NBA Finals came on, everything seemed easy and more or less normal. After all, we had already spent a week in the hospital and this didn't seem too different. Then the doctor broke Erin's water and all hell broke loose. Now Erin was in extreme pain, the Heat were making a run, and I was starting to think this whole day would not be any fun at all. Things went on like this for a couple hours, I was looking at the clock, as the hours were ticking by, and wondering how in the world I would be able to stay alert all night to help Erin get through this ordeal.
 |
| Nathan was gunning for me the minute he was born. |
The Birth
The fifteen minutes between when Erin was rolled to the operating room and when the doctor came and got me to come in was probably the longest of my life. I called my father-in-law, texted my sister, (tried to make a bet on when the baby would come, she didn't bite.) and just waited to meet my son. Finally, I was let into the room and in about 5 minutes out came our new son. While waiting to meet him, I was tempted to see what was going on behind the curtain, but Erin insisted that I not look. Once he was out, I didn't think about what they were doing to Erin anymore. My initial reaction to our son of course was ewwwww, clean that guy off, but as soon as he started looking like an actual human I began to catch an affinity for him. Immediately upon my walking over to the table to meet him he attempted to shoot me with fresh stream of pee. That's when I knew he was mine.
As Erin was sewed up, Nathan and I just hung out right next to her. He hid his eyes from the bright operating room lights most of the time, and I got a little worried when one eye did not open for about 15 minutes. Turns out he was fine. Mom was fine, and dad was just beginning to get over his denial.
Being a Father
In the two weeks since Nathan was born, I have had some time to think, and contemplate those lifestyle changes talked about earlier, and plenty of time to procrastinate their implementation. Like many fathers, I find denial only slowly disappearing. While I love Nathan, feeling that father son bond has been a slow process. While mothers have that instant bond with their children due to them growing in the womb, followed by the intimacy of breast feeding, fathers are left to create that bond on their own. Trying to bond with a newborn can be a trying experience filled with little reciprocation. Dirty diapers, cleaning spit-up and attempting to sooth a baby who really just needs something to eat, is a new type of love. But love it is.
Fatherhood is and will be a wonderful adventure. And all those lifestyle changes that I thought so difficult are slowly happening without any thought. Whether it be picking out a slightly healthier cereal, (I guess I can't eat Fruity Pebbles forever) or trying to eat dinner at the table rather than in front of the TV, I am slowly making those changes. Of course I still like to spend money on frivolous electronic gadgets, but I am making progress. I am bound and determined to set a good example for Nathan. However, when I examine my life and ponder what type of example I will be to my son I mostly realize that these so called lifestyle changes are really very minor details.
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| Four generations of Davolt men doing what they do best; falling asleep on the couch. |
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| I will never repeat this, but being a Husky may not be my #1 lesson to my son. |
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